Why are you here…

Prepping for surgery. Photo from yahoo.

 

Hey Ya’ll,

I’m using a slightly different format today so pay attention to the time/date headers because this is a journey back in time. Also, there is a fairly graphic photo at the end of article. If your squeamish, you have my permission to not scroll down. If your nosy, they you’re going straight to the picture. I know how humans think.

 

Better than a emergency room. photo from yahoo

Sunday 21 August 2016, 11:45 EST

Medical clinic, Scott Depot West Virginia

“Mr. Akers, what brings you in today?”

“Doc. I got a new debit card in the mail.”

 

 

How bad could a little knife like this hurt? photo from yahoo

 

Sunday 14 August 2016, 16:35 EST

Couch in the Living Room, Hurricane, West Virginia

“Other than a puppy, what do you want for your birthday?” I asked my son.

“Pocket knife.” The soon to be nine-year-old boy answered.

“Pocket knives are dangerous. You really have to be careful when using them and it hurts when you get cut.”

“Have you been cut before?”

 

Back Row Right to Left. Gary, Paul, Me, Tracy. Front Row, Deron and Scott. Of course that is Saddam in the background. photo from rob akers

 

Sunday 13 April 2003, 0930 AST (Arabia Standard Time)

Cargo Ramp, Balad Airfield, Iraq

“What did you do Rob!”

“I cut myself again. Can you grab the medical kit?”

“Sure.” The six foot three African-American Navigator passed up some napkins to sop up the blood.

“Hey, don’t tell Tracy.”

“They are having a problem get a pallet on-board. I will be back.”

Three minutes later, Gary returned handing over the olive drab bag with the red cross on the front. When I reached around to grab the kit, I saw a new face looking down at me. “This is Lieutenant Colonel I forgot her name. She is an Aero-Med.”

As he spoke, Scott the co-pilot and Paul the Flight Engineer returned helping to load the airplane.

“Dude, did you cut your leg?” Paul asked

“No, my hand. Just bled a little.” I replied.

“Keep pressure on the wound and hold it above your head.” The flight nurse ordered.

“I know what to do.” I fired back.

“I doubt that.” The nurse said.

Gary, Paul and Scott laughed.

The battle axe flight nurse took her time putting on her rubber gloves and opening her medical kit. “Well the good news is that you’re in better shape than most of my patients. How did you do this?”

“I was trying to tighten up the approach plate holder on the yoke. I couldn’t find a screwdriver so I used my knife.”

Tracy called out over the intercom. “We are closed up and ready for taxi.”

“It is going to be a couple of minutes. Rob cut himself again.” Paul responded.

“When he gets patched up, take all his knives from him. If we ever get steak, I will cut it up like I would for a kid.” Tracy said.

“Maybe we could put a cork on the end of the knife. Like Rupert.”

Everyone laughed.

 

This is me in a alternate universe. Patch on one eye and a cork on the fork to keep the other eye safe. photo from yahoo

 

 

This is probably still clean. photo from yahoo

Saturday 20 August 2016, 22:15 EST

Master Bathroom, Hurricane West Virginia

“Keep pressure on it and hold it above your head.” My wife said.

“I know what to do.” I fired back.

“I doubt that.” She replied.

“What did you do Daddy?” My son asked.

“I couldn’t find scissors to cut up the debt card. There was a box cutter on the office desk.”

“That old, rusty box cutter?” My wife asked.

“Yes, I thought it was too dull to cut the card that easy.”

“Guess where you’re going after church in the morning?”

 

 

This little gash was a bleeder. The doctor said she would have done a couple of stitches if I come in sooner but she glued it closed and gave me a shot. Fortunately, she didn’t laugh too hard when I told her how dumb I am. photo from rob akers