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Breaking News…

February 24, 2015

Hey Y’all,


Got some breaking news for you. It is really cold outside. It is really cold almost everywhere. It is so cold I am about ready to believe in Global Cooling. It is so cold that I am thinking about going out and buying a fleet of SUVs and leave them all running and parked in my driveway. It might not change the carbon mixture for the planet but it might warm up the neighborhood.


Last week, the family bailed out of West Virginia and went to Memphis to visit the my family down south. The kids were on the very appropriately named “Winter Break.” We escaped this winter storm just in time. When we pulled out of the driveway, it was starting to flurry.



7 to 10 inches of snow later my neighbor Dave took this at 12:00 EST, Monday February 16th by Dave W.



But we were caught up in this.



The Mid South got a 1/2 inch of ice Monday morning. It was a total mess. Later that day, the neighborhood kids were ice skating and playing hockey in the street. I mean with real skates and everything. Photo from Rob Akers.


A week later things haven’t changed for most of us. It is still cold and the frozen slush is still on the ground making driving and walking difficult. But I do have at least one smart friend who made a much better decision last week.



Our good friend Billy G. took this photo at the same time I was taking a picture of my sister-in-law’s car. He was nice enough to text it to me. It is tough to see but it is the sunrise from his hotel balcony in Maui. He and his family were there for “Winter Break.” I don’t see any snow anywhere in the picture. Photo taken by Billy “You Mother Trucker for not inviting me to go on your vacation” G.


Every year I try to convince my wife into letting the family move to Hawaii. Every year she has another lame excuse, like she needs to paint her nails or pluck her eyebrows. I know it is important stuff, but I think she could do all that from the beech in Hawaii. She is like a broken record with all of her excuses. Last year, I got her to start watching the shows about people buying houses in Hawaii on HGTV. You know the one where the used car salesman and the substitute teacher want to buy a little house in Hawaii. They have a budget of $650,000 but they always go over budget and get the 15.4 million dollar plantation next to the Robin Masters Estate. Like most of this post, it is all comical.


Three minutes into the trip to drive back from Memphis last week, she asked me to talk to her. I guess 9 hours of silence doesn’t work for her.  I started up with the “lets move to Hawaii” conversation again, and to my surprise she said something different.


“I can’t go without some friends.”

“I thought I was your friend.” I replied.

She gave me that look. You know the one, that I get when I ask dumb questions. She pulled out her cell phone and started texting all her friends. Within minutes the texts were flowing back to her and everyone wanted to go with her.


The good news is that my wife is packing her bags and is going with all her friends. They are calling it a “Girls Only Trip.” The bad news is that they were buying one way tickets. It seems I, all the other husbands and all of the kids have to stay behind. Opps, my plan didn’t work out exactly as I had envisioned. All is not lost because in four months the snow will probably melt and they might come back.


Until next time, keep on rockin.





From → life

  1. Karlene permalink

    Lol… Rob, all I can say is I like the way your wife thinks!!! And would you mind giving her my phone number too. Stay warm!

  2. Karlene,

    Of course I will get you her number. One more husband home alone during the winter cant cause me any more guilt can it?

    You will find them at the beach, partying like rock stars. The only time the party stops is when a husband calls and asks where she keeps the milk. Then they put on their sad voice and act like they are having a horrible time because the hot surfer dude never gets a good layer of suntan lotion on her back. It is tough life and you can join it if you choose.

  3. Looks like the best laid plans have one way tickets! I guess she will come back tan and, maybe, with a little winter house you guys can fly off to next year. I watched that Hawaiian HGTV show once (I don’t have cable at my house or I would’ve watched it more, I’m sure). They were literally taking one poor couple (emphasis on poor, they’d been living in a tent for over a year to save money), to a lava outflow to an abandoned house. The lava had, for the time being, stopped flowing, leaving a lovely black, lumpy asphalt effect for a yard. Steam still escaped from the cracks. BUT, it had an ocean view waaaay off in the distance so, you know, it was still $180,000. I don’t think they chose that lovely spot but maybe your wife and her friends will go in together for something like that 🙂

    That was a fun post! It is snowing here this morning but is supposed to get up to 50 degrees this afternoon. Bipolar Texas weather. Your neighborhood is lovely in the snow, by the way! I love colorful homes over Texas brick any day!

    Stay warm!

    • Heather, thanks for the comments.

      Yes, those shows are totally off from reality. Who really wants to build a house on a lava flow? We have flood insurance but lava insurance, what does that cost?

      You don’t have cable in Texas? I thought West Virginia was backwards. We have both cable and satellite. Guess not everything is better in Texas. Ha ha. I live in a great neighborhood and that is one reason I just think about leaving. But the truth is I cant replace where I live on my meager salary almost anywhere else in the nation.

      • Ha! Perhaps I should say we choose not to have cable…though there are something like 1300 channels available if we want to pay the piper 🙂

        Yes, Texas is fairly affordable (at least our area), and we couldn’t get nearly as much bang for our buck elsewhere. Not even on a lava flow!

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